Thursday, June 19, 2008

Victoria's Secret shame

Look, I am the last person to criticize how someone looks at the gym. That would be due to my usual getup: 80s scrunchie, high school band Tshirt, Wal-didas pants and sweaty, lobster-red face.

But there is a certain look I just can't stand. And this one goes to all the ladies. It begins with the hair. Leaving your hair down, perfectly placed? That means you're probably going level 1 on the elliptical. For 18 minutes. Just enough to avoid breathing hard. Then comes the jewelry. Big hoop earrings? Hope they don't get stuck in your luxurious hair.

The rest has to do with the outfit. Victoria's Secret tank top with matching "exercise" pants? Or the halter top sports bra? Listen, folks. This is Pure Fitness, one of the cheapest gyms in the Valley of the Sun. The only thing you're going to attract is some sweaty riff raff. And this is some of the riffiest raff you've ever seen. This is not LA Fitness, or even the gym at Arizona State. Put on a freakin T-shirt! Please! Show off your Bud Lite abs at Martini Ranch, why don't cha?

I'm not saying everyone should look like me. I probably shouldn't even look like me. But if you aren't there to run until you're coughing, you don't even deserve to beep your card at the door.

7 comments:

Lindsay said...

hahah...it's funny cause its SO true! I hate those chics that come all hussied up to the gym like they actually are going to break a sweat. We all know why they are there. :) I love the wal-didas pants too...hilarious.
We would LOVE to have visitors!! Come any time...seriously!! It's been way too long. You and Mr. Tony need to get your fanny's over here pronto!

Tony said...

Look, if you don't like how I dress at the gym, you should just tell me instead of broadcasting it all over the blogosphere.

beckbot said...

Ha! The very same ladies who hovered over me in contempt/concern when I fell off the treadmill a few years ago. Complete makeup, the long french manicured talons, the pearly pink iPod. Curses on the lot o' ye!

The Prince Family said...

ha ha! You are too funny and have such a way with words. How's life?!

JenAve said...

Hilarious! it's so true. That's why Johnny J and I go to the gym in our building with a bunch of fogies wearing nuggers and tube socks.

Anonymous said...

Another fun gym stereotype:

The guys who rapidly lift weights that are probably 20 pounds too heavy, breath like they're in labor and watch themselves in the mirror.

And to top it all off, they just throw the weights down in the loudest crash they can possibly generate.

This is the male version of the gym hussies you speak of. I am torn between disdain and amusement.

ALM

{Mullins} said...

LOL! love it! i hate the spandex too. if you're that skinny, why even come to the gym? goal already accomplished!