It is full of regret that I announce I am no longer on the run from the law. I walked out to my car this morning to find that the police had caught up to me despite my numerous and hilarious aliases ("Tootsie Two-Toes" "Donny the Shark" and "Lucy Bean the Dancin Machine" being just a few.)
This is my second, no my third, brush with crime. But all of them have one thing in common: They are all stupid parking tickets that were distributed in front of a loved one's home, which strikes me as extra unfair.
The good news: I want to turn over a new leaf. I want to park with the flow of traffic. I want to park within 18 inches of the curb. And God help me I even want to have in-state registered plates!
I hope you will help me with my new lease on legality. I don't want a life of crime.